You Teach People How to Treat You
When I think about my relationships, I constantly remind myself that I am the common denominator in every single one of them. There are many relationships I look back on and wonder how I ended up in certain situations or why I put up with things that didn’t align with me. I often felt unfulfilled, like I was giving far more than I was getting in return. And more than once, I felt taken advantage of because of my desire to help, support, and be a “good person” or a “good friend.”
Over time, I realized something important: there is no such thing as being a good friend or a good person at the cost of yourself. You’re not being a good friend if you’re avoiding honest communication or lowering your standards to keep the peace. True friendship isn’t about silence or self-sacrifice — it’s about showing up with honesty, respect, and care, both for them and for yourself.
I had allowed people to treat me in ways I would never allow for someone else, yet for some reason, I overlooked it when it came to me. That realization was the beginning of years of self-reflection and continuous inner work. I knew I wasn’t going to break this pattern unless I started showing up differently for myself first.
For me, that looked like setting boundaries, not being so constantly available, prioritizing my emotional well-being, and changing the expectations I held for the people around me. I paid attention to what — and who — I was pouring my energy into. I reminded myself that my time and my presence had value. If I didn’t see this and believe it, then why would anyone else?
At first, though, I went too far the opposite direction. I became overly protective of my space, almost selfish, doing everything for me and only me. After years of people-pleasing, it felt foreign and uncomfortable to focus on my own needs — and once I finally did, it was hard to find a middle ground again.
Eventually, I realized something else:
There will always be times when we put others first — that’s part of loving people. But showing up for others should never mean abandoning ourselves. It didn’t mean I’d never do things for others that I didn’t feel like doing, but I no longer did them at the expense of myself.
So I learned to do both. I learned how to stand tall in my beliefs and voice while still caring deeply for the people I love. I learned how to show up for others without losing myself in the process. And once I found that balance, I began to feel more aligned with who I truly was.
Not everyone liked that version of me at first — the one with boundaries, clarity, and self-respect. But the people who truly cared adjusted. And as I stopped filling every gap and carrying more than my share, my relationships became healthier, more reciprocal, and far more fulfilling. I keep my side of the street clean and allow others to take responsibility for theirs.
Because the truth is:
If you give people all your time, they will take it.
If you are always available, they will always expect it.
If you fix every problem for someone, they will always rely on you to do so.
Without realizing it, you create a relationship dynamic that drains both people.
And if someone in your life is doing something that doesn’t align with who you are — and you don’t say anything — then you’re reinforcing that behavior.
You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself, what you tolerate, and what you allow.
Your worth doesn’t grow when others see it — it grows when you do. And once you honor it, the people in your life rise to meet it.
If you’re ready to step into the fullest version of yourself, I’m here. Let’s take that next step together.
